fontosaurus

Carolyn and I discussed my depression this weekend, and I think we came to the conclusion that having a routine will be very helpful for me. My routine starts today/tomorrow. Today's kinda whacked b/c I was an extra in a friend's indie movie...that took most of my morning.

As for Carolyn, I need to do something about that situation. She's used the "L" word twice...the first only 5 weeks into dating her. I'm not afraid of committment, but I'm not ready for the end-all be-all relationship yet, you know? *sigh* She's fun, smart, great, etc....but there's just something missing. We have a lot in common, and I like hanging out with her, she's a great friend, but... But.

Anyway, beyond that, nothing exciting to report. Rollerblading, yet another viewing of AOTC, the X-Files finale, and so on...

That posting on Friday? It culminated with me telling a friend to "fuck off", in essence. Not something I do lightly, and not something I'm sure I should have done. I feel bad about it...and not sure if I should let it stay dead, or at least tender an apology. *sigh*

Is it any wonder I'm depressed? No job, no money, stuck living at home temporarily, and now I'm pushing people away from me.

Ugh. I'm such a basketcase.

Depression is starting to set in, I think. I really need a job. I need to feel productive again. I mean, shit, I get tons of stuff done around here, with my writing and everything. But I miss my cubicle/veal pen -- I miss being a part of a team and contributing to something. I miss a regular paycheck.

The only totally cool thing about this weekend was seeing Ultimate X at the IMAX. It was filmed entirely at the X Games last summer, which I got to see large portions of, as I was living in Philly at the time. If you have the chance, I highly suggest you go see it. It kicks ass -- the photography is spectacular, the interviews are both tongue-in-cheek and interesting. And I finally know what all the huge cameras were for. The soundtrack is also quite good.

Anyway.